It has been ages since I updated my blog, I used to be updating it with snippets of news, photos and ideas all the time, but life has changed for me over the past couple of months and I haven't been brave enough to share the facts with too many people. But now that everything is coming together again I feel ready to share what's been happening.
For about a year, maybe longer I just haven't been feeling as good as I usually do, I'd get very tired, short of breath my stress levels would go through the roof at the slightest thing, I just thought it was a normal reaction to a busy life.....ah no I was wrong! My heart was struggling and everything came to a head when I'd been to the doctor and they'd done blood tests and thought I'd had a heart attack! Long story short I was collected from work in an ambulance and carted off to hospital!
After several tests they doubted their heart attack theory but admitted me for further tests.
Well there was blood tests, an ECG, x-rays etc etc and finally the top Cardiac man informed me that the situation really required a Bypass and then I realised this was serious, and it wasn't going to be fixed by adding another pill! I had to make the decision to agree to this, that was a terrifying thing to have to do but somehow it was the less scary option. And so one week and half later it was on! The hospital had been letting me come and go while I was waiting but when I arrived back on that Monday morning and realised it was on for the next day, I went into panic mode! But after having the chance to calm down with the help of my very best friend I decided it was for the best and so the journey began. The night before the surgery I was very calm and went about preparing for the next day. The morning of the surgery was very calm and at around 12.30 they took me to surgery, the team were cracking jokes and miraculously I managed to join in until I fell asleep.
I awoke that night in ICU and was being taken care of by a wonderful nurse and once again I felt incredibly safe and calm.Later that morning I was returned to the ward where I drifted in an out of sleep for a while. Once again the care was fantastic, and the next day I was taken for a walk by the physio guy, well once I found my feet I was determined to find my strength, the sooner I was strong the sooner I could go home!
I was discharged from hospital the following Sunday and a whole new life began.
Sure I felt incredibly fragile, probably more scared than I admitted even to myself but excited that I have a new chance at life, a new and different life. No longer am I terrified that I can't cope with the heat, the cold or over exertion. The burning in my throat, the tightness in my chest have all gone.
It's been six weeks since my surgery and every day I feel stronger and stronger. I have gone through the fear that something will go wrong, I have stopped second guessing every little feeling, I have started to relax and look forward to my future of feeling healthy and stronger. I have no idea how the journey will go from here but I do love that I can go walking and not have to worry about the shortness of breath and the aching in my body. I am calm and can enjoy day to day life.
I will be eternally grateful to the doctors and nurses who made this happen, I am incredibly grateful to my best friend, Faye, who has tirelessly supported me through this whole journey, her sister and my family, the huge job Faye did keeping my sister in Oz, informed of every detail as it unfolded, thank heavens for mobile phones!
I now know what it's like to be able to relax and enjoy what I'm doing without having to second guess every feeling and every flutter!
My mantra every day is to be grateful for the good stuff!!!!